supposed to be doing my homework….

ever felt like your dreams weren’t big Enough?

ever felt like you were putting limits on yourself?

because of fear, because of what society says, because of what the Joneses say……

D R E A M       B I G….get carried away!– (this is also a note to self)

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an illusion of…..bliss

Sooo….I haven’t wrote in forever for my online blog or personal journal blog. But the writing session has been long overdue. I’ve been living, inhaling, exhaling, experiencing. I’ve been extremely busy with being a graduate student, working 2.5 jobs,taking care of a hyper puppy who is almost always into something, coaching 18 super silly little girls cheerleading and at the end of the day I still want to be a 24 year old & have some type of fun!! Life isn’t all about hustling. I’ve been struggling with finding balance in my life and using my time wisely. Prioritizing really is huge. Through it all the months of August- November have been months of happiness. I’ve achieved new goals by being a graduate student, working at a new job with a positive, uplifting atmosphere and I’ve gotten closer to a special special friend 🙂

 

It’s crazy how this thing called life works. Before August I was exhausted, bitter, comfortable and pessimistic. The things that kept me upbeat included going to the Pinky Promise Conference, taking care of Ra’Ja (my puppy) and helping plan my best friend’s wedding (I was so excited). I had worked at a job with a drama filled staff, a chapter that I thought would last forever ended (relationship “situationship” ended). I was uninspired and simply tired of the way I was living life.  No one really knew how “SuperWoman” was feeling because I felt like through it all you just gotta keep going, you gotta #pushThrough. Recently I’ve learned the importance of rest and how you have to embrace your feelings….#EmbraceThatShit! Things have progressively gotten better but it seems like just when things are looking extra bright…an attack comes from out of no whereee.

A week ago I listened to Alicia Keys new album “Here” and it’s amazing, kinda on the style of Ms. Lauryn Hill’s music. One song that stood out to me when I first listened was entitled “Illusion of Bliss”. What I appreciate about AK’s music is that it has substance, meaning, tells stories. I like Illusion of Bliss because it opened my mind up to think about “have I been living in an illusion of bliss?” with certain situations. Have I been so optimistic that I’ve missed what’s real? It’s time we shift from looking at the surface of things and start asking/ thinking about the real questions/ answers. Whatever I get in life I WANT IT TO BE REAL.REAL LOVE, REAL RELATIONSHIPS, REAL WORDS, REAL FEELINGS. I don’t want to try and shape things for how I think they should be. I don’t intend to sugarcoat…..shit.

“I’m sick of being judged, sick of being sick
Tell me where’s the love, tired being tricked
Sick of being high, sick of being low
Sick of all the lies putting on the show
And so I persist
And so I persist
Like a bottomless kiss
An illusion of bliss
An illusion of bliss

I, I don’t wanna be a fallen angel”– An Illusion of Bliss, Alicia Keys (these lines ring bells for me)

more entries to come…so much to express